Leak is GONE!!!

Wow! The last 24 hrs have been amazing! Yesterday I discovered unintentionally so, that the area along my scrotum where I was still draining some fluids from swelling and also had a small urine leak… Had CLOSED!! I had been attempting to pee once a week, on Tuesdays to clear the junk out of the UL and to see where the leak was at. Yesterday however, I was on the toilet and although I had just mostly emptied my bladder via unplugging the SP before sitting, I had the urge to go again once I sat down. Emptying the bladder 100% with the SP still in can feel odd or uncomfortable for some people. The reason is that the balloon that is inflated with saline to hold the catheter inside the body, presses up against the bladder when you completely empty all the urine. So I had only mostly emptied it to help with that sensation. For me it didn’t hurt, it just kind of triggers a sensation that makes you feel like you have to pee – which is a really bizarre feeling after you’ve just emptied your bladder. Anyway, I sat down and felt like I had to pee still and so I decided, what the hell, I’m going to pee. And when I did, 100% of the urine came out of my phallus. I actually couldn’t believe it. I kept blotting my scrotum to make sure I wasn’t missing something. But nope! No leak. I didn’t want to get too excited and then feel let down so I continued to use my SP to empty my bladder yesterday and figured I’d try again today, just to give things another day to “set”. When I tried again this morning… NO LEAK!!! I’m seriously so excited that I don’t even have any words. Peeing from my penis was in the absolute number 1 TOP priority position for why I desperately needed this surgery. Sure, I needed it for like a dozen other reasons, but peeing the way I used to was the most distressing frequent and daily occurrence that I couldn’t avoid. It made me furious, anxious, depressed, and frustrated. When I tried peeing for the first time at day 19 and saw that I had a leak, I was devastated. I knew going into this that it was likely to happen even if only during the initial healing process and I accepted that. But even so, it was really hard to accept. I had tried to resign myself to the fact that I may need a surgical repair to stop the leak, but tried to stay positive in the meantime. I went with my gut and requested to keep my SP in for longer and only pee once a week to test the leak. I think it’s probably impossible to know if that decision helped things, but either way I’m glad that I listened to my gut and had a small hand at personalizing my recovery plan to what felt right to me. I just left my PCP’s office where I had my SP removed and I am so relieved. To have just shed the last piece of medical equipment from my body feels so normalizing. Today is a day to celebrate. I have a very special date later with a LARGE bottle of water, a walk in the woods and a thirsty looking tree :o)

Hang in there. It just keeps getting better.

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