2 Weeks Post-Op Stage 2 (Semi-Rigid Rod & Testicular Implants)

My stage 2 surgery was on October 11th, 2016 with Dr Chen at the Greenbrae Surgery Center in San Francisco. The surgery itself went fine and there were no major issues.

TESTICULAR IMPLANTS: The right side of my scrotum ended up being a tad bit smaller than my left side and so Dr Chen had to shave down silicone-carvings-1 that testicular implant so that it would fit into the sack. Had he not done this it’s likely I would have had issues with erosion if he tried to force the full-sized medium implant in. The nice thing about the Silicone Carving implants that Crane/Chen use is that they allow the surgeon to modify and shave it down to the exact size of the tissue that they are working with. That way you aren’t limited to just small, medium, or large which is the case with any of the gel or saline filled implants – rather, you can get the perfect sized ones for your body with the carvings if the space you can accommodate falls somewhere between the factory issued sm/md/lg. The other thing worth mentioning that Dr Chen noticed while placing the right implant was that the skin was fairly “thin” meaning I could be at a higher risk for erosion on this side which was a contributing factor in his decision to shave the implant down a bit to take some of the tension off the already thin skin and smaller space. I appreciate his conservative approach and efforts to not make a risky decision even though I expressed how much I really wanted the largest implants possible and to have two symmetrical testicles. These factors weighed heavily into my decision making process when choosing an erectile implant type, but I far and away prefer having slightly uneven testicles than risking erosion and ending up with only one testicle, or even none! Ultimately though, my hope is that over time the tissue will stretch with the weight of the implant, gravity,  and by manually stretching it myself. Down the road, be that many months or years from now I think it’s reasonable to assume I’d be able to fit a full-sized medium implant in the right side as a small revision add-on while I’m having an erectile implant replacement/switch.

ERECTILE DEVICE – SEMI RIGID/MALLEABLE ROD: The model of erectile device that I had placed is called the AMS Spectra, one rod, not two. Prior to1-ams-spectra_300 surgery we had discussed doubling up on the Gortex sheath that he wraps the rod in, in order to further aid in bulking up the penis. Upon getting inside though it became clear that I didn’t have enough space to accommodate a second layer of the wrapping. So my surgery was similar to the technique he has always used when placing the rod. He also told me that he was really happy with the positioning that he was able to get and the angle at which the rod was mounted.
Everyone’s pelvic bones are angled just a bit differently, so they don’t know exactly how things will end up being mounted until they get inside and look. He said that in the OR he was able to fully bring my penis straight up against my stomach and that I had a great range of motion. However, since I woke up from surgery I have not been able to bring my penis up higher than a right angle from my body. I can make it stick straight out but I can’t

dacron
Image on right is similar to the Gortex (Dacron) used to wrap the rod

can’t bring it fully up against my belly. In the O.R. there is no swelling so it could just be that all the edema is what’s preventing me from getting the same full range of motion. However, I’m also noticing a strong tugging/tension on the underside scar (from stage one) that the runs the length from tip to base on the penis. The lower portion of the scar when I try to bring my penis upwards feels like the point of tension that is making me feel like I shouldn’t raise my penis any further. It’s also worth noting that this portion of the scar is hypertrophic (thick and raised, but clear/white in color) so it’s my intuition that this scar is what’s causing the issue and that the reason he was able to bring my penis all the way up in the OR, was because my pain from over-stretching that scar didn’t stop him while I was under anesthesia. However, Dr Chen said upon physically assessing things at my post-op appointment, that he believed it was the swelling at the pubic mound where the incision to insert the prosthesis was made (photos below) that is likely causing the current lack of mobility/tension. He told me to continue to gently but firmly test my limits for how high I am able to angle it and that he thought I should see improvement as the swelling subsides. I’m trying to stay positive while also being realistic. I truly believe it’s the underside scar that’s holding it down and I’m not sure if or how this problem can ultimately be remedied if that is the case. I don’t think it’s an issue that would inhibit sex, but it could potentially limit sexual positions and definitely already does limit positioning options in my underwear since wearing it down is the only angle it is comfortable in, pointing up is not an option. Time will tell if this ends up improving or presenting as a problem that needs correcting. One option I am beginning to mull over is potentially getting Kenalog injections along the scar which might help flatten it, but I’m not sure that it would impact it’s flexibility/stretchability at all, which I believe to be the true issue. Pre-implants I had been sleeping with my penis in an upright position to stretch/flatten this scar because I had noticed that it was thicker and almost seemed to bunch a bit from wearing my penis down all day since it’s right in the underside crease. I will continue to update about this issue as I gather more information about corrective options or as things hopefully positively progress on their own!

ERECTILE IMPLANT INCISION: I’ll be curious to see how the pubic scar on my mons from erectile-implant-incisionthe erectile implant heals as it’s about 1.5 inches below the SP scar, about 1.5 inches long and located less than one inch above the connection point/scar of where my penis is attached to my mons. I’ve had quite a bit of swelling at this site over the last two weeks. If I’m up and being more mobile (ie: cooking, driving, walking) I notice that the swelling here increases. I’ve been addressing this by icing 20 min on, 20 min off and that has helped to decrease the swelling.

SUPRA PUBIC CATHETER SCAR REVISION: This was a super minor revision and unrelated to the erectile or testicular implants. At stage one in February I chose to keep my SP catheter in for an additional 2 weeks because I had a bit of a urine leak coming from my scrotum. I chose to do this to allow further healing of the UL without the added pressure of urine constantly flowing through the healing fistula every time I peed. In doing so, I added to the amount of scar tissue that builds up around the SP tube from belly to bladder, since the longer you leave an SP in, the more scar tissue that grows around it. What formed was a thick stalk of scar tissue inside my body that ended up healing with some adhesion so that the skin at the point of the external scar does not float and move normally over the structures below it – it remains stuck . I’ve tried manually breaking up this scar tissue with massage,  but the stalk of scar tissue under the skin is far too thick. So I asked Dr Chen to break the adhesion since he was going to be “in the area”. sp-scar-revisionThe first 1 or 2 days post-op I noticed that the skin was free-floating and mobile. But after a few days had passed I tried to move the skin and it had adhered to the stalk of scar tissue below it again. I had a conversation with Dr Chen prior to surgery about the SP adhesion and I asked whether or not he would be removing the “stalk” of scar tissue as well, to which he said: no, he wasn’t going to chase the stalk because that increased the risk of damaging surrounding structures, and he wanted to be as minimally invasive as possible. We discussed this re-adhesion at my post-op appointment and he was disappointed to find out it had re-adhered. He said it was good information to know though, so that if he ever did this procedure for someone in the future he would advise them to constantly be massaging the scar early on post-op to discourage any re-adhesion of the tissues. I will probably have this adhesion broken again at some point in the future but I would only do so if combining it with other procedures. Again, it’s not a big enough issue that it causes pain or distress. I would just prefer the skin float rather than stick as it does make the scar a bit more noticeable. But still, really minor issue and not something that would equate to even being a minor complication, rather just a common factor in healing from any surgery that produces a scar -adhesion is always a possibility.

PERINEAL DIVOT REVISION: My body took a long time to heal from the revision I had back in June to remove some granulation tissue that had formed at the point of vaginectomy closure at stage one. I had a fistula (not urinary related, just a hole or opening) that had a lot of difficulty healing. When I had the revision in June it opened back up and again had trouble healing. When I finally used an antiseptic powder on this site, it miraculously closed. However, it was open for so long that it did leave me with a small divot once it finally healed. This time around this area has healed well and when he did the revision there was no granulation tissue at the site which is great! I haven’t gotten too up close and personal in that area because I’m still pretty limited in how mobile/flexible I can be. Squatting is quite painful and I try no to do anything that increases pain, as those were a big part of my post-op instructions. If it hurts, STOP – or DON’T DO IT! I have used the Columbia Antiseptic Powder a few times just to make sure that area is healing over well, but I haven’t felt or noticed any issues with it. However, it does feel like there is minor tactile difference/dip between the perineal raphe and where it connects to this revised area which is about an inch from the anus. It’s subtle but it’s there. So I’m not quite sure yet if the revision actually improved the divot or not. I thought I would include a diagram of the male perineal area which labels all the different structures as a reference point. I thought folks might find comfort in knowing that many natal males have a visible raphe/ridge that runs from the underside tip of their penis to the anus. Their bodies closed this gap in utero, whereas transmen who have phallo and opt-in for a vaginectomy and achieve this closure via an incision line really aren’t all that different from the natal male anatomy in this sense.

raphe_on_male_geniitalia_with_labels
This is not a picture of my anatomy, this is an example of a natal male.

 

PEEING W/ THE ROD: Initially it was a bit harder to urinate the a couple of days following surgeryholding-a as I’m sure I had a good deal more swelling than I do now. I was also in SOOO much pain when I stood up that once I got to the bathroom I needed to sit down to relieve pain before I was able to relax enough to pee. Sitting to pee is more difficult for me and I think it’s something about the changed angle of the neourethra with the natal urethra ever since stage one that has made it a bit harder to pee in that position. I’ve noticed it takes longer to empty my bladder and my stream is weaker when my body is bent at that angle. The differences I’ve noticed with urinating since the rod has gone in is that I prefer to hold my penis differently now. I instead of holding it in the “A” position (pre-implants) I now hold it in the “B” position. The reason for this, is the rod is now filling up my penis as much as is safely possible without minimizing the needed space for the urethra to expand and fill with urine. If I hold it like photo “A” gravity is angling the rod down and adding pressure holding-bagainst the urethra where my hand wraps around the underside and creates further pressure. I can still pee that way if I really wanted to but I can feel the urethra being somewhat compressed and it’s just more comfortable to give it the full amount of space by holding the sides or top half of my penis so that the underside, where the urethra runs is unobstructed. I meant to mention this earlier, but if the last sentence didn’t explain it and you’re still wondering, the rod is placed on the topside of the urethra… This dick-handling adjustment hasn’t been all that big of a deal. Grip “B” is not quite as instinctual or natural as “A”, but it’s a small price to pay for being the proud owner of a hard dick. Also, if I really wanted, I can easily pee without holding my penis at all since the rod really keeps it at whatever angle I put it in. But it just feels more natural to hold him while I’m peeing. And since I’m not really holding him UP exactly when I’m peeing, I’m really kind of just mostly using my thumb to guide him in the direction I’m aiming, if that makes sense.

BENDING THE ROD/STIFFNESS: The rod is actually a fair amount stiffer than I had anticipated. I messed around with the model that was in the office, but I’m sure that one has seen plenty of handling and was likely much looser for that reason. I do think that even in the 2 weeks since I’ve had it, it’s already started to loosen a bit and I’m quite happy about that. There was a palpable clicking sensation when pointing my penis in different angles. I could also hear a very soft clicking noise as the “joints” flexed into different positions, and I can’t say I found that aspect all that sexy. It made me wonder what that sensation might feel for my partner when I was inside them. I’ll have to get back to you on that one as it continues to loosen up. The good news is that I’ve talked with some guys that have had the rod in for months or even years longer than me and they reported that is did indeed go away! Otherwise the rod is easily bent and positioned with one hand. I can move it up to a right angle and even a bit higher. If I am laying down and I point it to a right angle my penis will stay pretty much at whatever angle I put it in. If I am standing it will want to lower a bit, but generally will stay close to the angle that I put it in when I take my hand away.

(GIRTH) SIZE INCREASE: At this point and there is likely still a bit of swelling along the shaft but not much, but I’ve gained close to 3/4 of an inch in girth. This might not seem like a whole lot, but slight increases in girth are much more drastic than slight increases in length, in my opinion anyway. I feel much more comfortable with my girth now. Ideally I would have landed squarely on the 5 inch mark for a nice beefy thickness, but the 4.5ish range feels like a reasonable size to me as well. I can comfortably live with that and feel satisfied.

GUESSTIMATIONS ON EASE OF PENETRATION: I honestly can’t speak from experience about this for obvious reasons. Being only 2 weeks out I’m nowhere near being able to use my guy for play yet. However, I will say that going into this, I anticipated having far less rigidity than I do. Obviously I was getting an erectile implant for the purposes of topping. But a VERY close second on that list was choosing an option that enhanced my current package and really beefed things up. From obsessively reading phallo listservs over the past decade, participating in groups, and talking with numerous guys who have had different models of the rod, I’ve heard more than a couple guys say they wished their erections were firmer and heard some guys have issues with buckling, or the tip of the head drooping over the end of the rod which was possibly placed very conservatively far back behind the glans, etc. But I must say, I’m impressed. My rod goes all the way to within one cm from the tip of my penis, so I don’t anticipate any issues with the head not being firm enough and causing issues with initial penetration. There is zero droop at the tip of my penis. The rod itself bends easily, yet gentle exploration thus far seems to look like it will be plenty firm enough for sex, both vaginal and anal. Again, I’ll have to give factual, experienced-based updates on this at a later time… for the good of science of course!

SENSATION/ORGASM: This is a big one and I almost left it out. Since the rod was placed I completely lost all sensation in my penis. ALL of it. I had the most sensation at the tip which was incredibly sensitive and a few large spots around the shaft where sensation was coming in. Dr Chen assured me that it really should come back and that it’s fairly common but that it could take a few months up to a year to come back and that it’s likely that the nerves are just in shock. I’ll be totally honest and admit that I’m pretty scared. This fear provoked me into making sure I still retained the ability to orgasm even in spite of not having any shaft sensation. I’m happy to report that all is ok. Although I don’t recommend it, since you’re risking detaching the erectile device, we do what we have to do to manage and get through these really difficult surgeries where there are of course no guarantees and a level of uncertainty even though most guys will make out ok in the big picture. I personally don’t know any men that are not able to orgasm. I know guys that don’t have much or any shaft sensation but orgasm is still possible. I won’t get too much into the mechanics of all that and exactly how it’s possible, but I’ll say that the base where my penis was fixed to my pubic mound, is HIGHLY sensate and erogenous. Actually quite a bit more so now with the introduction of the testicular implants and i believe also the placement of the rod had something to do with it. I can actually “reach” (stimulate) my original smaller buried penis easier than I could pre-implants. Hopefully the nerves are just stunned though and they’ll wake up soon. I’ve spoken with some other rod-guys and they had a similar experience. So chances are everything is fine. I also noticed post fat grafting that my sensation decreased a fair amount for a while. It makes sense if you think about it because they are jamming things down into the penis where the nerves are growing for both the fat grafting and for any erectile device, rod or inflatable.

THE BATTLE OF THE BULGE!: Ok, so I’m pretty IMPRESSED! Again, there is certainly some getting used to this aspect of having a firm penis 100% of the time and never being flaccid. BUT, I must say, I really am enjoying it so far! I feel like it’s definitely had the impact on my self confidence that I had anticipated would result immediately following stage one. Had my forearm contained a more dense layer of subcutaneous fat, I think it’s likely that would have been my experience immediately following stage one. But this stage feels really fulfilling for me because it’s finally “scratched that itch” that I’ve been desperately waiting for since stage one and just never felt like I landed on. I experienced some pretty heavy depression in February after my first surgery, I believe in large part because this basic need I had just didn’t feel met. But now I really enjoy how effortlessly I fill out my underwear and I love reaching down and feeling my full package. I can’t speak from the experience of having had the pump (since I haven’t) and being able to compare this to that. But I do believe this experience is a better fit for me, at least at this point in my life given the current erectile device options that are on the market as well as current options for insanely expensive, “permanent” (lasting up to 2 yrs) fillers to add fullness and bulk to the penis. The pump is absolutely amazing in that it allows for the more natural experience of a flaccid AND and erect penis and all the stages in between of becoming erect and filling up. I do hope I get to be able to experience that some day as well. Clearly that’s the more “natural” option for many, if not most guys that are seeking an erectile device. But with my circumstances, I really do like that even though I’ve ended up with a more modest sized penis both in length and in girth, that I appear to be a show-er now, even if there’s no growing that will be happening later on, no passersby actually know that. That’s been really exciting for me – a definite confidence booster. Here are some quick photos I snapped just to show what my guy looks like in undies. The bulge is definitely MORE noticeable with just underwear – and much LESS dramatic/obvious with shorts or sweats on over the top. Also, keep in mind that I do have some swelling still going on (mostly scrotal)… Once I get back home and have more clothing options to play with I’ll probably snap some better photos in a few different kinds of underwear and types of pants, shorts, sweats etc. and model those for you.

 

SLEEPING: It’s still very EARLY DAYS and so I’m sleeping on my back to not cause any pressure on the pubic connection point. This is pretty miserable because I’m predominantly a belly sleeper, and an occasional but much less frequent side-sleeper. I’ve done a bit of side-napping using two very fluffy pillows propping my legs apart and then propping my penis up a bit so it’s not dangling at a drastic sideways angle. But I’m really paranoid that I’m going to fall asleep and then try to roll the rest of the way over onto my belly. It’s hard to know for sure yet, but I think I should be able to comfortably and safely belly sleep in another 4-6 weeks. I am doubtful that I’ll be able to do as many belly facing yoga poses as I was able to in the past though. I can indeed see this device potentially limiting me in that sense when it comes to lying on hard or even firm flat surfaces. Being a really lean guy means that I don’t have that extra belly or thigh fat to buffer the rod that’s sticking out when lying on my stomach. Hopefully I’m wrong about this though. If it ends up restricting my mobility enough it could be the deciding factor in eventually switching to an inflatable.

THE SHWING!!!: Alright, so I am noticing a bit more movement and jiggling while I walk as the days progress. I’m sure the decreased swelling and the loosening of the joints in the rod are probably equally responsible for that. Things of course don’t flop around nearly as much as they did pre-stage two, and it’s undoubtedly a big adjustment. I enjoyed my floppy dick, but not all the time, and not all that much. I didn’t like how it fell between my legs when I was sitting or driving – I felt like it got lost down there. Of course, the lack of testicles I’m sure played a large part in that too. But overall, I wasn’t all that happy with the size of my package. I had always imagined myself having a lot more going on, even though I’m really not a size queen. Anyway, things seem like they’re loosening up a bit. I notice that it is more likely to swing left to right a bit than it is to go in any other direction when I’m walking. There isn’t much downward motion/bounce since the shaft sits firmly against my scrotum and I kind of curve him around my nuts. I wouldn’t mind a bit more of a SHWING when I walk, but I may get that over time as swelling continues to go down, and the device continues to loosen up a bit with some *ahem*, “use”.

WRAP IT UP: I think that mostly covers things for now. My next post: which is already in draft, will be an explanation of Pump vs. Rod – How I Decided. I’ve been getting that question at least daily and I figured it’d be easier to have a post to direct people too with the long-winded reasons rather than typing the cliff-notes version over and over… As always, if you have any questions please feel free to ask or make requests for specific topics to be covered. I will update on all of these topics again at the 1 month mark. I can’t promise that it will be posted exactly one month post-op to the day, but I am still aiming to get all the correct content in for the listed timelines even if they are days or weeks late to go live. Thanks for reading!

8 Days Post-op… Hospital Re-Cap

Hey folks, I’m still alive. Sorry I haven’t updated till now. My top priority has been resting and healing and although I want to be active in keeping up with updates, it’s of course more important that I focus on recovery. This surgery really takes it out of you. So much of the ways you are used to being mobile, caring for yourself, doing painfully simple things for yourself, peeing, really everything, changes at least initially after surgery. I have often felt like an infant during the early days because I’ve been completely at the mercy of those around me in order to get my needs met. I guess I’ll give a rundown of my experience at the hospital. The exact day-to-day occurrences really float out of the mind pretty quickly. So I’ll do my best to recall what I can.

Surgery Day – February 4th: I got to the hospital early, around 5:45 for check-in. It was very quick and easy. The registration process was incredibly streamlined, the nurse goes over the paperwork with you and you have a touch-computer screen facing you. Whenever you need to sign a document, you just sign the screen and the documents are all electronically saved. This took not much longer than 5 minutes and then my friend and I were brought down the hall, she waited in a family area while I was taken back to get changed, tagged, IV’ed and gurney-ed. They give you a Bear Paws gown that if you want while you are waiting, you can hook up to a tube that fills the gown with warm air. They are specially designed to keep your body at optimal temperatures during surgery. My friend was eventually called back to wait with me about 30-45 min later. I met with the anesthesiologist, Dr Crane, Dr Safa, and the micro team came in briefly to introduce themselves to me. When it was time to go I said goodbye and they wheeled me down the hall to the OR I was fully awake and not sedated at all when I was brought into the OR. I have had that experience many times before but I suppose it was a bit more intense this time because I was looking all the around the room at the multiple tables they have set up with hundreds of medical instruments of each one. If this surgery didn’t feel real up until that point, it absolutely did then. The anesthesiologist told me he was going to give me some medicine to feel relaxed and that was it. When I woke up the first thing I remember seeing was my donor arm. They had the wound vac on it but they hadn’t placed any sort of splint on it (grafted areas REQUIRE early immobilization). One of the micro team members came by to check on me in the immediate recovery room that they bring you to while you are first waking up. It’s the same area as pre-op. He seemed shocked that my arm wasn’t splinted and went and got materials to brace my arm and came back. He splinted me and then fairly soon after I was moved to the TICU unit. At some point in the hours after I was moved to the TICU unit they noticed that there were some issues going on with my scrotum. I had severe dark, dark bruising and swelling that engulfed my entire scrotum and then spread down to my butt cheeks and onto my thighs. I looked like someone beat me with a bat. The scrotum was black but the other areas were a deep purple. They started worrying that I had a hematoma. The ice chips they had been giving me occasionally stopped and they were assessing whether or not I needed to be brought back into the OR to fix a hematoma. At this time you are being checked with a doppler to assure healthy blood flow to your penis is occurring. You will also have a headed pad that forces warms water through tubes and into the pad to keep your penis nice and toasty. This helps to keep the blood vessels unrestricted and very open so they can do their job the best they can. You are also hooked up to about two dozen things. Probably 6 or more wires on your chest, an Oximeter on your finger, a blood pressure cuff that goes off randomly, nasal oxygen tubes, plus the other things I mentioned already. You also have at least one drainage tube coming out of you, usually the scrotum, but I also had a teeny tiny little tube at the end of the groin incision where they do your hook up. Plus a foley catheter coming out of the tip of your penis. It’s a lot!

Day 1 Post Op: Multiple doctors were watching me and eventually Dr Crane came in the next morning before surgery and said that he didn’t think it was a hematoma in my scrotum and he didn’t want to rush me back into the OR if it wasn’t absolutely necessary because there are added risks every time they put you under – and more risks of infection. He went and did another case and said he’d be back to reassess. When he came back a few  hours later he decided it wasn’t critical to bring me back to the OR and would be a better plan to just wait it out and watch the area and see if it healed on it’s own.

Day 2 Post Op: I believe I was brought to the 3rd floor on this day? It’s still very regular care by the nurses but it’s not as intense as the first couple days when they have you under very close observation in the TICU when things are the most critical and likely to go wrong. Most of my nurses were very attentive and kind and made sure to check on me and make sure my legs were comfortable and propped up on pillows and my donor arm was elevated and I had everything I needed. I believe my nurse Reza hit this one out of the park, she was an angel. The most attentive nurse I’ve ever met. Mimi and Raymond were also very kind. The time goes by slow, especially the nights when they are coming in to Doppler your penis and check vitals every single hour. It’s hard to get any normal sleep. Pain medication makes you a little drowsy, but when I started to have itching and they gave me benadryl, it was the benadryl morphine combo that I really began to look forward to because it allowed me to occasionally get more than 30 minutes of sleep. I think this was the day they came in and cut the ace bandage off my thigh where the split thickness graft was harvested from. Under the Ace bandage they had place a Xeroform dressing. This is the same stuff you dress your arm with starting the the day you leave the hospital. It’s yellow and greasy. When they cut the Ace off blood is pretty much everywhere. They bring a huge hot air blower over to your bedside and it stays aimed at your thigh for the next few days till the Xeroform turns black with beaded up dried blood on it. You leave this on your  leg till it falls off – trimming the edges as it naturally releases from your skin underneath.

Day 3 Post Op: I was a bit more awake and with it by now. I was able to call and order room service but often they would need to call and remind me that the meal window was closing and ask if I wanted anything. It was nice of them to do that. I’d think I wanted food and then when it came I usually didn’t eat much. The fruit bowls and juices were mainly what I lived off while I was there. Over the next few days the issue with my scrotum started to look better and better. Much of my sack was slowly turning from bruised black, back to pink again. However there remains a scab-like crusty spot on part of it that is still black. This is called an “eschar” sometimes they flake off on their own and other times they need to be removed surgically. We are still watching this. It’s not uncommon for them to take many weeks to resolve.

Day 4 Post Op: Time to stand up! Wow, so this is really intense. Aside from just feeling weak from being in bed for 4 days, everything is very very tender… ok painful. The female nurse that was in the room with a male nurse as well preparing me for this event kept telling me that I’m going to want to hold my penis when I stand up because I’m going to worry it would fall off. She wouldn’t stop talking about this. She kept telling me how unnecessary that is and that I shouldn’t hold it and that it’s on there securely and that it was essentially irrational to hold it while you walk. I was  tempted to say: “hey lady, don’t tell me what to do with my dick.” I felt like she was actually bothered by the fact that we want to support it. Honestly, I’ve seen far too many separations happen at the shaft and scrotal areas that I plan on supporting my new equipment till I am more than certain that it isn’t coming off. I don’t care how irrational anyone thinks that is. I waited my whole life for this package… I sat for about 10 maybe 15 minutes at the most and then asked for help back to the bed. Sitting was highly highly uncomfortable and I was really slouched back to take all the weight off of my perineal area. Not fun. Once I got back in bed I stayed there for the rest of the day. But I was able to get up late at night and use the toilet to have a bowel movement. This was quite an experience, being so weak, and still in so much pain, with two tubes coming out of your (bladder and scrotum) still attached to the wound vac, and trying to balance on the toilet while experiencing going to the bathroom for the first time with new anatomy down there. It was kind of mind blowing. I might not have related to the genitals that I had, but I had of course gotten very familiar with the sensations of voiding and even having a bowel movement is a very different sensation. Everything feels different and I was pretty obsessed about not wanting my new package to touch the toilet seat, so that will be an interesting new challenge. I finally made a toilet paper nest and was able to lay him across the seat.

Day 5 Post Op: The micro team came in quite early. I heard them coming down the hall and they said: “You know what day it is?!” and I said Yes I do!!! And they said: “It’s GRADUATION DAY!” There were 4 or 5 of them and all within about 3.5 minutes they had pulled out my scrotum drain, pulled out my doppler wire, pulled out the drain on my groin scar, ripped off my wound vac, and re-bandaged me with my first round of Xeroform and Kerlix wrap. It was not the most pleasant experience of my life but it was over fast. Deep breaths… Deep breaths… It was a Tuesday and I was scheduled for my first post-op appointment the next day, Wednesday, so Dr Crane just came up to my room before I left and met with me briefly there. He told me I didn’t need to come to the office the next day and that I could just come to the office next week. I was grateful because I was feeling overwhelmed just by the idea of getting back to the AirBnb house. Thinking about leaving the next day seemed absolutely dreadful. After I met with him I saw the hand therapist Olga (?) she’s VERY VERY nice and she made me a splint and talked with me for quite some time. She also gave me information about finding a hand therapist while I’m still in the area. Then I got all my scripts and paperwork together and they packed me up and wheeled me downstairs so my friend could drive me home.

That’s what I got for a re-cap from the hospital experience. I think most people are unsure of what all is going to go down for the actual surgery and the time until you are discharged. I hadn’t intended on writing so much but I hope it helps those who are curious.