8 Weeks Post-Op RFF Phallo

{Surgery Dates: Stage 1 = 2/4/16, Glansplasty = 2/19/16}

{Surgeons: Dr Curtis Crane, Dr Bauback Safa, & Bunke Micro Team}

{Locations: California Pacific Medical Center = 2/4/16, Greenbrae Surgery Center = 2/19/16}

GENERAL: The biggest news I have to update about is that I’ll be returning to work on Monday. Surgery was 2/4 and I’ll be returning to work on 4/4, just 2 months post-op!!! Had I absolutely needed to, I suppose I could have return at 6 weeks, but it would have been pushing it. And as it turned out I came down with a fever and I was feeling pretty ill a little over a week ago, so I’m really glad that I’ve had the time to take easing back into my routine, at a pace that feels calm and right to me. A big part of me is already brainstorming picking up a second job to be saving for stage two and plans for moving out of state once surgery stuff is taken care of. However, I’m trying to be mindful that my body is STILL HEALING and not get too over eager with filling my schedule. I haven’t even returned to my main full-time employment yet and here I am looking for a second job. Today I made an agreement that I would give myself at least one month back at work before considering adding on a second employment responsibility. I suppose it’s kinda my MO to work more than is healthy, and in unsustainable ways. Earlier today I was thinking about how I busted my ass in the lead up to this surgery for the sole reason of affording surgery yes, but also to be able to take the time that I needed to heal and rest from working constantly. In the year prior to surgery, I spread myself really thin and self-care practices went by the wayside in order to achieve financial goals to make all this possible. Now, instead of using my free time to take on another job, more than ever I feel like it’s important for me to resume those practices in the forms I’m capable of  in order to aide in a deeper healing as my body slowly gets back to 100%. No Bikram yoga or distance running just yet, eventually though.  It’s been really hard to be in this new form that’s so much more comfortable, finally feeling much more mobile than I was even a couple weeks ago, and keeping myself from going out and doing everything too fast!!! I keep looking at the calendar and thinking back to what I was feeling like at the beginning of this month. I had just arrived back home from California, I had my SP catheter in, my arm looked pretty gnarly, and I was still kinda shuffling around and walking a bit like a cowboy. Somehow I keep forgetting that was this month, THIS MONTH!! Things really can and often do improve quicker than you anticipate, but it was often really hard to see the big picture in the moment. A practice I would have utilized going back in time would have been to write down one thing each day that I wasn’t able to do the day before – or one thing that I noticed improved with my health. It can be really challenging to see the full scope of massive, but slow healing and changes taking place when you’re oozing blood, and knee deep in xeroform, catheters, and covered in hundreds of stitches. But it’s happening, and the pain really is temporary even when it doesn’t seem to be.

HAND THERAPY: Ok, so I was seeing a hand therapist and I wasn’t all that impressed with my care so I cancelled my sessions with her. The folks I saw out in California who were familiar with free flaps and grafts were very well informed. I highly suggest squeezing in 2-3 appointments while you’re in the area, they can even be contacts for whomever you end up seeing once you get back home. The person I was seeing locally just didn’t impress me and was completely inexperienced with grafts. Also, I mentioned it to her twice but she had long nails and when she was massaging my scars, her nails were scratching me and leaving bright red marks on my skin. No thanks… I’m no stranger to O.T. as I’ve had multiple surgeries on both wrists. I also felt like I knew more about graft care than she did, as she admitted that she rarely worked with grafts and never any this large. So I was continuously making suggestions about heating methods, stretching techniques/exercises, and specific “tools” to use to help with adhesion. All that being said, as of last week I started just doing my own thing at home to continue rehabbing my hand/wrist. I might pursue another therapist in the area, or I may not.

I wanted to share a photo of the “torture device” that the folks at Hand Therapy of Berkley and El Cerrito made for me. I was experiencing severe hypersensitivity along the backside of my thumb and hand and exposure therapy is often times all you can do to calm it down – that and time. So this stick has a bunch of different textures that I was given to rub on the hypersensitive areas as much as I could stand… Sounds like fun, eh??!

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And yes, you’d be correct in guessing that the two in the middle are Velcro. Not a fun sensation, I tell ya – it did work though! Honestly, I didn’t use this device all that many times, but I constantly rubbed fabric on, tapped my fingers, and massaged the hypersensitive areas as much as I could stand and eventually it faded into being hardly noticeable to the point that I totally forgot that it was ever an issue. It is still slightly there, but not much. Now I mostly just have a pretty sensitive nerve running along the radial side of my wrist. It can be downright painful if I’m not gentle with it. I’m hoping with time that that also calms down. I truly can’t imagine being tattooed there given the sensations I feel when just massaging lotion into that spot. It can spike to a pain rating of an 8 or 9 when triggered.

This is Dycem. It’s essentially a non-slip product. It’s used for all sorts of things from opening jars, to coating slippery surfaces to guard against falls. But they also use it in O.T. to help release adhesions that the body forms with the existence of scar tissue .

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As the scar tissue develops, it wants to adhere and grow onto the tissue below/around it, whereas regular healthy skin typically glides quite freely over the structures below/around it. The Dycem can be placed over the scar and you can press and gently but firmly and continuously work at tugging/moving the scar and encouraging it to let go of the tissue that it’s adhered to. The earlier you begin this practice (even with regular massage and no Dycem) the better. The longer you wait, the more the tissue has grown and adhered, the thicker it will be and the longer it will take to release it. I certainly have a lot of adhesion along my wrist which is why it’s taking LOTS of effort to get mobility back there. I also had quite a bit of adhesion along the bend of the elbow where the leash incision is. For many weeks it was very painful to even attempt to fully extend my arm and reaching out to the side with a fully extended arm was even harder and impossible for quite some time early on.

Another really cool tool you can use to help release adhesion is called the Extractor:Extractor.jpgIt’s actually a tool used to extract venoms and poisons from animal/insect bites/stings. I used to work in wilderness where there was a very high population of rattlesnakes and copperheads – we never carried these kits because they really don’t work for that. However, it IS a great way to more aggressively release adhesion over just utilizing massage alone. It uses suction which is helpful because it literally pulls the scar tissue up and away from the adhesion. Over time I’ve seen scars fully release and the skin is much more mobile. So if you’re having trouble, you might request this at your O.T. appointment or invest in your own for around $15. –> Extractor Pump Kit by Sawyer on Amazon

In terms of strengthening my hand, I did purchase a $10 Gripmaster (there is a name brand one called Digiflex, but they’re both the same thing), which is specifically for both digit and full grip strength. It can work the whole hand at once or individual fingers and comes in a handful of strengths. It’s suggested to use at lower tensions and to do more repetitions rather than going for the highest tension you are capable of and doing far fewer reps. I purchased the 5lb per finger model.

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DONOR SITE: My graft is doing well. My wrist is still tight because of the adhesions in that area, but I am seeing improvement with my continued stretches. pray-hand.jpgMy wrist is still pretty locked with the scar tissue, so while I will often use the “prayer position” stretch (see photo), as well as just manually flexing my wrist back and forth, I find that placing my hands flat on a counter or down on my yoga mat and using my body weight to slowly progress the stretch is easier. There was a time when I couldn’t stand and place my hand flat on a table because my wrist just wouldn’t flex. So it’s nice to know it is getting better, it’s just going to be a lengthy process for me.

 

SCAR CARE: I ordered a sheet of silicone a few weeks back and I had been using it fairly diligently. Although it’s been comfortable, I haven’t really noticed much difference in the flattening of some of the most prominent ridges along my graft, especially where the two grafts were sewn together. So I ordered this Silipos 3×10 Gel Tubing Sleeve that Olga at CPMC recommended I get, and after just a few hours, my graft had noticeably flattened!

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The sleeve is quite long. I was hoping to be able to cut it in half and get two sleeves out of it, but there’s no way that it would have covered the entire graft had I done that. So I trimmed off 2 in. of it and it fits great. The inside is silicone and the outside is a soft fabric:

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It’s very snug and getting it on can be a challenge. My method is to turn it completely inside out, slide it just to the wrist crease, then pull it down over itself and back to right side out. Another option if it’s too tight is to cut it open and then use velcro to reclose it allowing easier application and a more catered fit for larger sized forearms. However, the reason I think I’m seeing results with this so much quicker is because this is offering the compression that the silicone patch alone didn’t have. It doesn’t look like it so much from directly above:

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But from this angle I can clearly see how flat the ridge became, it was like a mountain peak just hours earlier. I will say that once I took the sleeve off for a few hours, I did notice the ridge returning some, but I think continued use even over the next 1-2 weeks is really going to yield amazing results, as the expensive silicone sheet that I had been using didn’t have this kind of effect even after WEEKS of use. Maybe if I had always been wearing a compression sleeve over it, it would have helped more. I’ll be sure to update on this.

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The one thing that I did notice with this silicone sleeve is that because there is no hand compression and the sleeve is also pressing down on the bridge where the only drainage from the hand exists and thereby slowing/limiting fluid from moving away from the hand, that I did have a bit more swelling in my hand. I mostly noticed the swelling in it when I was moderately to heavily using my arm. So I started using the Isotoner “compression glove” in tandem with the Silipos sleeve when I notice my hand getting more puffy.

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PERINEUM: My v-nectomy site is still having issues closing. One week ago (03/17/16) I had an appointment with a urogynecologist in the Boston area. Yeah, yeah, it wasn’t ideal, and it was awkward initially to be walking into an area where people are receiving very gendered care, but I knew it was the place where I could see someone who does this specific procedure, and it was worth it to me to endure a little embarrassment and dysphoria in order to have a specialist look at my wound in person rather than just sending Crane photos. I had no signs of infection, but I wanted confirmation via a culture and a second opinion about the wound. It is still the same size as it has been for many weeks now, it hasn’t gotten any smaller, it’s still a little wider than the size of a Q-tip head and I can stick about 2/3 of the cotton tip into the hole. Granted, because this is a hole, the healing does take place from the inside out, slowly filling in. So healing rates can also be really hard to determine. Crane’s instructions when I left Cali were to keep it clean and dry. So I had been using a squeezy perineum bottle to wash and thoroughly rinse and dry the wound a couple times per day. FullSizeRender-3.jpgBut still it was continuing to exude fluids and was staying more wet than dry. For peace of mind I just wanted to have a specialist start following me in the instance that I needed or decided to have this closed surgically i.e. “primary intention” rather than waiting for it to close on it’s own, also called “secondary intention”. Either way, I need to wait 3-4 months. It will likely take that long to heal on it’s own, and even if it doesn’t, they wouldn’t go in to surgically close it until at least that much time has past since my initial surgery. So either way it’s a waiting game. The good news is I was instructed to start packing the hole. I say “good news” because now I feel like I’m doing something proactive to aide in its closure, whereas before I was just washing it with soap and water and patting it dry.

PACKING A WOUND: I had heard of guys needing to pack wounds before but I really didn’t know what this consisted of. Were they using regular gauze? Did they dip it in some kind of solution or medicated formula before packing??? I had no idea. So I thought I’d give you the lowdown on wound packing, or at least what I’m doing these days to pack mine. I guess I haven’t quite ditched the “packer” swag yet. :O) Depending on your wound size and how exudative it is, you may need to do something completely different, so check with your provider for personalized medical care and instructions. This is just to give you an idea of what the process can be like.

Here’s my little setup: Small handheld mirror, Q-tips, Tweezers, Scissors, and 1/4″x 15′ Iodoform packing strip. The Iodoform packing material smells VERY strong, like a hospital.

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I say packing STRIP, singular, because it’s just one long continuous strip and you simply cut off what you need. It takes about 1.5 – 2 inches of this tiny gauze to fill the hole. I trim off a piece and use a Q-tip to press about a centimeter of the gauze in at a time. Then you just leave a short tail on it for easy removal once it’s completely soaked and needs to be repacked hours later. And voila!

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I really wanted to give props to and pass along this surgeon’s name because he was more than kind to me. Even though he was booked up for many weeks out, their office was incredibly accommodating and squeezed me in within 2 days of calling and explaining my situation. It can be really challenging to find good care, or even just subpar care where you aren’t having awkward interactions with every single healthcare “professional” that knows your trans status. But Dr Roger Lefevre, his phone and front desk office personnel, and his physician’s assistant/nurse definitely gave me 5-star care at Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center in Boston, and I made a sure at the end of my appointment with him to take the time personally thank him and his staff for their kindness and professionalism. I was treated like a regular human being seeking medical attention, as I should have been, but unfortunately that’s still an all too rare experience in most places. If you’re in the Boston area and need any follow-up care regarding your v-nectomy site, I’d highly recommend this gentleman. The office location IS in an OB/GYN wing, so that’s something to consider. You might feel more comfortable bringing a woman with you so it looks as though you’re there as her support. But at no point did anyone tell me I was in the wrong place, question my gender, or even make a hint of a weird face about me being there, and I’ve been on Testosterone for well over 10 yrs now. So while I was internally very uncomfortable entering and checking into a women’s area, externally I wasn’t being treated awkwardly and I really didn’t notice any patients looking at me funny either. For all they know there could be another treating physician unrelated to OB/GYN care in that wing. I think most people are focused on their own stuff and didn’t see anything odd about my presence… Ultimately I feel confident knowing that if I need to seek surgical intervention to close this site in a few months, he is a geographically close and viable option and willing to help.

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SCROTUM: I actually meant to mention this in my previous entries but forgot. About 2 or 3 weeks ago I was looking my scrotum over with a mirror and noticed that I have an area along the far ends of an incision that runs horizontal across my scrotum that is like a little pocket. One side is a sizeable pocket and the other side is really practically not there at all, about 75% smaller. Sorry, this is kind of gross, but I’m just going to be honest because I had never heard of this experience and I’m all about transparency through this process and I think the more information that is available, the more easily you can be on the lookout for things that could potentially arise in your own medical process. Also, the more people hear about varied experiences, the less likely they are to feel alone if/when it happens to them… So, the pocket when I found it hadn’t been washed since my surgery (like 5-6 weeks earlier) so it essentially had a HUGE buildup of smegma in it. I didn’t even realize the pocket existed until I pressed down and around the edge of the end of my incision and the pocket kind of turned inside out. What the inside looks like is there is some slightly sebaceous tissues within a pocket-like formation. It seems to be the skin that transitions from the outside of the labia majora to the inside where the skin is thinner and more moist and hair free. It’s that thinner moist-ish tissue (I know that because both the sensation and visual matches that of that exact same tissue pre-op) that is inside this weird little “pocket”. It’s gotta go!!! I can bury most of the cotton part of a Q-tip into this pocket. It just feels dirty and like it’s an area begging for infection. In the meantime I’ve been soaping it up and using the squeezy bottle to spray water in there to totally rinse it out. And I’ve also use Q-tips to clean it. I’m not into Q-tipping this ball-pocket indefinitely. So I’m looking at a scrotal revision to get remove it and possibly a small v-nectomy revision to close the small wound if it isn’t closed by 3 months. Because of also needing the scrotal revision, it’s likely that I’ll pursue having both of those issues addressed in New York, either by Dr Nikolavsky or Dr Zhao. I know both are in my network, but I haven’t yet reached out to either of them – it’s on my to do list. I’m hoping that I can get the revision out of the way sometime in May, or the latest, April. I suppose I could wait till October when I have my stage 2 done, but given the way my body reacted to the initial scrotoplasty (severe bruising, swelling, and developing an eschar) I’m worried that trying to revise my scrotum AND place implants might result in, or at very least unnecessarily heighten my risk of extrusion occurring. I feel more comfortable with staging this revision many months away from implant placement so that I have plenty of time to heal.

I think that’s all for now. Not really much new info to report on the other wound sites. I’ll save photos till there is a more noticeable progression in healing.

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6 Weeks Post-Op

Well, another milestone. Today makes 6 weeks since I had RFF with Dr Curtis Crane in San Francisco, CA. Things are coming along well. I did make a brief post when I had noticed that my small urine leak which was coming from my scrotum, closed up. Since my last big post at 4 weeks, the biggest changes have been that my scrotum stopped leaking (both urine and other fluids that were draining), and my SP (supra pubic) cather was removed. Those two things were HUGE for me. Honestly, since the time I started plugging my SP (at 13 days post-op) and was able to ditch the catheter bag, having a SP catheter got A LOT easier. It wasn’t a big deal – it wasn’t exactly ideal either, but it was manageable. It was mostly just annoying, and thankfully not painful. But still I did have a constant worry of something accidentally getting snagged on my tubing (even though it was under my clothes), or accidentally tugging on it with my hand when I would reach into my underwear to adjust my guy (that WAS painful). There was also general tenderness around the opening where the tube entered the body and the need to clean the opening a couple times per day so the scab didn’t take over. So while it wasn’t a huge deal to have the SP, and I mostly tried not to think about it, it was an utter relief to have it removed.

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I felt human again afterward. From the time you arrive at the hospital the morning of your surgery and get that first medical device hookup up to you (usually an IV) you’re connected to a ridiculous amount of stuff – both devices and bandages, for many weeks. So as you shed them, one-by-one it’s like coming to life again. It seriously felt like being reborn, especially with the introduction of your radically altered anatomy!

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Everything felt new and fresh and I was soooo grateful for the freedom and mobility that has come with each new step towards full health. haha. It’s like that scene in Forest Gump when the bullies were chasing him down the dirt road and Jenny yells: “Run, Forest, RUN!!” And as he does he starts to bust out of the leg braces that he’s been wearing forever to help straighten his back. Annnd, life is just never quite the same again.

FOREARM: My arm is doing well, and looking super healthy:

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At this point the graft is 99% healed and has been for a while. I’m well past any fears with it “not taking” which can be worries early on with patches looking odd and all sorts of colors going on.

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There are too teeny tiny scabs still present, both existing along incision lines. One where the two grafts are sewn together:

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And the other along the edge of one of the incisions that meets the “bridge”. If I am too rough with massaging it with lotion they will open a bit and bleed the slightest bit. You might not even be able to see them in the photos because they are so tiny…

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I continue to have some mild to moderate swelling in my hand. The amount of swelling really fluctuates depending on how much I’m using my hand and what I’m doing with it. The more physically demanding, the more edema.

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Funnily enough these two hand pictures were taken just moments from one another. Just an example of how deceiving photos can be. You don’t really see how swollen my hand is without the comparison to my non-donor hand, and the different angle helps too:

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I also continue to have some moderate swelling along the tattoo/incision line towards my elbow. But otherwise, the “leash” incision line has flattened out really well. Initially there were some weird puckers going on and they’ve completely smoothed out without a whole ton of effort on my part, just minor occasional massage.

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Finger strength is pretty good. It was measured at my OT appointment 1 week ago (3/10/16) and it’s almost 2/3 of my non-donor arm. I think my grip strength with my left hand was 70lbs and my right was 45lbs. So still strong, but indeed has a long way to go. Wrist flexion continues to be my biggest noticeable issue/hinderance with my donor arm. I’m hoping in another 6 weeks that I’ll have about 80% (or more) of my range of motion back. I’m currently going to OT 2x per week. I planned my surgery to happen at the beginning of the year so that once I hit my max out-of-pocket the rest of my care for the year would be free. So my OT appointments are totally free now. No co-pay and no co-insurance. I think I have 35 visits per year, so I’m utilizing all the “free” care that I can get. I could certainly rehab my arm myself, but since I have the time and the free care, there’s no reason not to take advantage of it, it’s part of why I planned things the way I did… I’m using Eucerin on my forearm 1 or 2 times a day (I applied it more frequently initially). I have my silicone sheet that I just got recently –> Cica Care Silicone Sheet and I’m planning on wearing that for at least 6+ hours at a time to really help continue to flatten the scars out and blend them in with the surrounding tissue. This silicone sheet is VERY comfortable!

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There is also a much cheaper option of a silicone sleeve that you can find on Amazon for a fraction of the price. It was recommended by Olga, one of the hand therapists at CPMC and she said has been used by a lot of guys. Depending on your graft size, you might even be able to cut it in half and get TWO sleeves out of it. You can find it here –> Silipos Gel Tubing. I was also given a cheap compression “sleeve” at OT (the one that’s cut off a long wheel and then they cut a hole for your thumb):

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It’s ok. I’ve worn it a couple times. It’s long enough that it covers the area I’m experiencing edema along my tattoo at the beginning of the “leash” incision point. They do wear out after a week or so of use and you eventually need to replace it. The other issue is that it doesn’t provide full compression coverage in my hand where the majority of my edema is. So I’m overall not into it, since it doesn’t address my main need from a compression garment at this time.

My hand therapist also fitted me with a relatively cheap compression glove at my OT appointment and charged me $12 for it. You can buy them here.  –>  Isotoner Glove. I ended up being an extra small. You might want to just have your hand therapist measure you for one so you don’t order the wrong size. It seems as though I’m a medium in most other gauntlets that I had been looking at online, so I was surprised when I was an extra small for this one.

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Today she started me using thera-putty and charged me $7 for one container of the orange strength.

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FYI, you can buy a set of 4 containers/”strengths” on Amazon for $9 with free shipping –> Therapy Putty. I’ve always been given putty for free at every other OT location, so I was surprised they charged me for the putty and the glove. I have even been given a silicone sheet for free which are much more pricey than putty and an isotoner glove.

I’ve been given lots of hand exercises to do, with and without putty. I’ll include photos of the exercise sheets. From my first appointment at 10 days post-op, till present:

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THIGH: My thigh continues to itch like CRAZY! I’m often tapping or slapping at it though my sweatpants to make it stop… it doesn’t. So lotioning is really the only thing that helps. I’m applying lotion and massaging it probably 5-8 times per day. The lotion feels good but the massage really helps to stop the itching for longer than just a quick “rub & run” application (*wink). When I’m massaging it I can really see how the tissue is healing. I’m better able to see which areas are going to fade sooner than others and the general look of the scar is less severe after spending just 3 or 4 minutes doing this. I’m still experiencing drastic changes in the scar color depending on what I’m doing and what my body temperature is. If I’m colder or well vascularized it’s still turning a dark purple color:

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If I sit down and rub my thigh for a minute it turns this pink color again and the purple fades away. This is just my personal experience with new scars – it will eventually stop.

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PHALLUS/PEEING: Man, I feel like I am like an 8 year old boy. I am sooooooo grateful to have a penis and be able to pee from it. That function alone has totally transformed how I feel IN and ABOUT my body. When I stand in front of the mirror and look at my shape I am still just utterly amazed. Standing sideways looking at my profile and seeing my penis jutting down and slightly out is just so amazing. Even the color changes when I stand up – it flushes and turns a shade of pink, especially in the glans!!! I wasn’t expecting that and I view it as a total bonus for the time being, even though I’m planning on having veins tattooed and adding a more natural or flushed genital skin tone at some point. I honestly still can’t believe it, there are so many feelings I am still processing about all of this – mostly gratitude and joy. At times it’s just so overwhelming and I can’t fathom the reality that I am finally a man with a penis that I can relate to, and that I feel whole. I feel more whole than I ever dreamed was possible with this process. I’m not sure if this statement will convey what I mean for it to, and I hope that it doesn’t come across as offensive, because I certainly don’t mean it to. But I don’t feel like I have a phalloplasty – I just have a penis. And I’d imagine that’s probably a really common experience among the men that have this surgery. From the moment I woke up from surgery, I immediately felt it was mine, but when I had my glans done 15 days later, I deeply related to my phallus as the intrinsic piece of my body that I had been mourning for 31 years. The flesh, the warmth, the hang, the jiggle, the sensation of it in my hand as it fills up like a hose and thickens when I pee, and having something to shake off after I’m done. I’m sure these things sound ridiculous and silly to to people that haven’t lived with a missing body part that’s integral to so many different daily bodily functions, as well as being so intimately woven into their gender identity. But these seemingly “small” things have radically transformed my life in ways I don’t know that I’ll ever “get used to” or have the capacity to take for granted. When you’re life’s biggest need and deepest wish convene and MANIFEST, new ground is broken and what lies beyond is completely unknown territory. I feel like a massive mental landscape has been swept clear for me to focus on other crucial areas of development, growth, and pursuits that I was incapable of fully accessing till now. I still have lots of healing and stage 2 (erectile and testicular implants) to take care of, but the majority of the emotional shift for me with this surgery has already occurred and truly exceeded my expectations.

GLANSPLASTY: I am now 4 weeks out from this procedure and my glans is healing SUPERBLY! I haven’t had any issues with it since the bleeding drama I had while in SF. Once that was stopped using a 10 min pressure hold by Chen at CPMC, there have been zero issues. I was applying a layer of bacitracin to it 2-3 times per day for like 2+ weeks and then stopped about 10 days ago. There are still visible sutures present at the glans. I don’t pick at or try to remove them. I just let them do their thing. If they clearly appear to be unattached and dangling, then I will give a gentle tug or trim it. But only if it’s long or likely to snag on something.

GLANSPLASTY INCISION: This incision is of course also 4 weeks old, as it was the location where the graft was harvested to use on my phallus for the glansplasty procedure. The incision line looks beautiful. It’s thin, and very flat. I can still feel a few sutures present. Again, not messing with them. I’m happy to let them hang out till they’re ready to let go.

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You can also sort of see the SP scar hidden in a nest of pubic hair. The scar has an interesting shape to it. It’s fully closed, and has been since within 24-hours of the catheter being removed (10 days ago). However, I feel like the pubic skin while I had the catheter, was being pulled down by the weight of my phallus more so than it was when they initially placed the catheter. At the time of placement, my phallus hadn’t yet been created and so I don’t think there was any tug happening to pull the skin down, I was also in a supine position. But after 4.5 weeks of having it in and the skin being pulled down a bit by the weight of my penis while I sit or walk, I think it contributed to a bit of a dimple. Here’s a closer look at it:

SP Scar @ 6 weeks.JPG

When you have an SP in the body starts to create a tunnel of skin that heals around the tubing. Once the tube is removed and the hole closes up, but the outer tunnel/scar tissue still remain. So when I press/rub on the scar I can feel where the tunnel used to be. I haven’t done any massaging of this scar yet, but I think with a little regular effort working at the adhesion, I can likely resolve the minor dimple.

NERVE HOOKUP INCISION: I’m fairly confident that all the sutures have finally dissolved/fallen out along this incision. I have done ZERO massage or moisturizing of this area – I probably should as it would likely help to lighten the scar. The nice thing about it though is that it largely blends in with my natural hip/groin crease.

Hookup @ 6 weeks.jpg

SENSATION: I still only have partial sensation in my scrotum. The far right side (opposite of the nerve hook up) is highly sensate (both tactile and erotic) but the rest is still numb. From what I understand this is not unusual and sensation could take many weeks or months to return. In terms of the phallus, I have both tactile and erotic sensation in some spots on my mons pubis around the connection point of the phallus. I was not expecting this, this is new. It’s a radiating sensation that feels like it’s coming from my pre-surgery penis – it’s interesting. Also, when I tug on my phallus or when I walk around with no underwear on, press my hips up against a counter that I’m leaning against, or grind into my bed while I’m laying on my stomach, I feel erotic sensations coming from the base where the little guy is buried. I started having orgams at day 34, just shy of 5 weeks. Having the ability to both pee from my penis, and orgasm is a total relief. Knowing that I can already orgasm while having zero sensation in my shaft, and that things are only going to get exponentially BETTER… well, it’s a beautiful life. I’m really looking forward to the nerve hookup growing in, but I am surprisingly not desperate for it. It just feels like an exciting bonus that I’m going to slowly start to experience – an unfolding of sorts. The painfully long wait just for my penis to be here and to gain the ability to stand to pee made me all the more grateful for it. I anticipate a similar experience in that over the next 2.5 years while full sensation grows in, in equal parts will grow my gratitude for that gift of that sensation, having had to wait for it as well.

VAGINECTOMY: I am continuing to deal with a pretty minor hole that opened up along my vaginectomy incision line. This experience is all too common and usually rectifies itself – so I’m not too worried. In the meantime it’s mildly annoying because it is leaking a very tiny amount of fluid (far less than it was initially) but it’s also tender and sore if I sit completely upright and put pressure on it. I keep it clean and dry and do a visual check of it almost everyday with a mirror. There looks to be no sign of infection, no puss, no red irritated skin around the small opening. However, to be on the safe side I did reach out to my local provider who performed my hysto exactly 4 years ago. She doesn’t personally do vaginectomies so she referred me to a provider that does. So I’m going to call on Monday and see if I can get in to have him take a peek at the wound and possibly swab it just to make doubly sure that there is no infection going on. It’s always good to play it safe. While I do feel somewhat self conscious of that area seeing as there is currently a form of small hole going on, I feel safe knowing that the provider who did my hysto and performs them on tons of transmen, gave me the referral. I also received a call from Crane’s office today and one of the nurses was checking in on me. I updated her about this issue and she reassured me that this is super common and eventually it WILL close up, but that it wouldn’t hurt to get it looked at by a professional. Hopefully by the next time I make another update it will have closed up/filled in. But I know it’s not uncommon for it to take many months at times. I can’t complain, this is a very minor thing and everything else has gone so well.

STAGE TWO (IMPLANTS): I’m currently aiming for stage 2 with Chen in San Francisco. Crane said I could have that done as early as October, which is when I’m hoping to be scheduled. I’m waiting on a call back from their scheduler to set an exact date. The plan right now is to get the inflatable, and one testicular implant, since the implant will utilize one nut for the placement of the bulb to pump up the inflatable. I hope eventually they design the bulb on the pump to emulate the size and shape of the testicular implants that are available. It’d be really nice to have two testicular implants that are more closely symmetrical. I don’t think visually it will really be noticeable, but it would be nice to feel the symmetry as well. Until just recently with the “Zephyr Implant Line” up and coming there were no erectile prosthetic implants that had been designed specifically for the neo phallus, and the FTM one at that! The current pumps with their odd shaped bulb is designed to be implanted in the cis male scrotum, and the patient retains both of their testes (assuming they have two). So it was never meant to replace a missing one, as it should in our case… I’d be tempted to ask for two testicular implants as well as the pump and just have the bulb be a third entity, as it is in natal males that have an IPP (intrapenile prosthesis) or ED (erectile device). However, it’s my understanding that the European teams site that the most common reason for failure of the pump is typically related to tightness and lack of space in the scrotum. For that reason alone it wouldn’t be worth it to me to risk it. I think I will be getting the Coloplast inflatable and either a medium or large testicular implant (whichever fits).

Alright. That’s all I got for now. I’ll catch ya again probably around 8 weeks if I feel like there have been some changes that seem worthy of posting about in the next couple of weeks. Take care guys. Thanks for reading and of course, feel free to ask any questions or make requests.

30 Days Post-Op RFF Phallo

Hey fellas! Wow, so today is 30 days since surgery! It’s been a wild ride. Lots of different things I’ve felt over the past month – both emotionally and physically. There were parts of this month than FLEW by and other times that to make it a through a single hour of nighttime felt like it took an eternity to pass. Nights were the hardest for me, from day zero post-op till even the occasional night currently. I typically sleep like a baby. However, when you have a bunch of different body parts that need propping, elevating, no pressure, gauzing from leaking, etc… it’s just not conducive to deep sleep, or even much light sleep. On top of that the mind can spin into unhealthy realms at that hour of the night, bringing you to some dark places that aren’t helpful. Thankfully one of the good friends I had with me in California was sleeping in the next room over and a couple nights when I was feeling anxious, I called him to just come talk to me and help me get out of a bad head space. The other thing I utilized very often and have still been using on and off is the healing power of music. I made healing meditative playlists for surgery and I am SOOOO glad I did. It really helped me to stay positive, relax, and was also a sleep aide.

I know this isn’t an uncommon struggle, but I’ll share that I have trouble asking for help, especially when I feel like it’s an inconvenience or bother to someone else. This process was truly humbling and even though I did a fair amount of mental subduing in terms of asking for assistance (both emotionally and physically) it was a lesson in asking for and accepting help and doing my best to receive it graciously.

Ok, so I’d like to do a body scan and check in about all the different wound sites, how they are healing, if there were any issues that arose, how they were addressed and just update on what my basic mobility and day-to-day life looks like right now. There were times, especially in the hospital when they stood me up the first time, that I thought I would never be “okay” again. The pain was overwhelming and I literally felt like I had the weight of the world draped over my shoulders. Even though cognitively I knew I was going to heal, my body felt like it couldn’t possibly recover from the trauma that I had been through. I don’t say this to scare you – it’s just important to know these thoughts and feelings may arise for you – but you’ll be ok. You’ll get through it. Just relax, rest your body lots, play some soothing music, take your meds, nurture your body the best you can with healthy food, plenty of water, supplements, good company that feeds your soul, and plenty of laughter!! It’s good to talk to other guys to get an idea of timelines for how you might feel tomorrow, next week or next month. But don’t get too fixated or frustrated if/when those things don’t happen at the exact same time for you. This is your story, and it’s guaranteed to be different in some or many ways than everyone else you know – and that’s absolutely normal, so try and not worry so much… You’ll worry anyway ;o) but just keep reminding yourself that it’s all gonna work out. It always does, one way or another.

As always, I try to give an as in-depth a description of things as possible, so this is going to be LOOOONG! However, I’m breaking it up into categories, so if you’re looking for specific info you can just jump to the bolded topic of interest or check out the updated photos since the last time I posted at about 2 weeks post-op.

GENERAL MOBILITY AND DAILY ROUTINE: I’m doing pretty well. Wednesday the 2nd I went with a friend to some doctor appointments since we both had phallo a few days from each other. When we were leaving one of the doctors offices on the 3rd floor, my friends used the elevator and I felt inspired to use the stairs. I sprinted down and beat them, by a LOT! I’m not bragging, I’m relieved!… I’m a runner and I’ve missed the endorphins from running and the feeling of being able to move my body quickly. This actually felt like a monumental accomplishment. First, because it was only like a 1 or 2 on the pain scale (tender scrotum). Second, because I was remembering back to being in the hospital and them standing me up on day 4 and how absolutely helpless I felt. I thought I was going to return to my bed and melt into it for the rest of my life. Not true!!!… My personal goals since returning home have been: 1.) that everyday I will go on at least a 15 minute walk with our dog in the neighborhood 2.) that I get in my car and do at least one thing out in the community. Be that to run an errand, get lunch, pick up mail, sit at the beach, get groceries, see a friend, or go for a joy ride… There are other more basic goals I have set for myself but mostly they are around nutrition, personal hygiene and wound care. It’s crazy how long it takes me to brush my teeth, prep my body for a shower (waterproof donor arm), take the actual shower, dry off, apply lotion and ointments, arrange gauze for draining areas, re-dress forearm, take supplements, and eat. That process alone is long and exhausting, but crucial to things healing well and to maintaining good mental health. You might not feel like getting up and showering, but once you do you’ll feel like a new man.

FOREARM (FLAP DONOR SITE):

  • Xeroform: I had heard a couple of guys say that they were changing their Xeroform twice per day. I got it in my head that more was better and at about day 7 I switched to changing the dressing more often because it seemed a bit dry and as though it might be sticking to the graft and pulling it away from the wound bed a tiny bit during dressing changes. My arm started to get a little too moist and I think this possibly exacerbated the issue I was having because the graft was too moist to really dry out enough to attached to the arm. It didn’t cause any lasting issues from what I can tell, but I just mention this because in this case more doesn’t equal better. If your surgeon suggests changing it twice a day, do that. But if they say only once, it’s better just to listen to them. Everyone’s wounds heal different, some are naturally more wet or dry than others and this could be a reason someone else was instructed differently than you. So don’t assume, ask your surgeon.
  • Swelling in Hand: My hand has had a bit of swelling here and there but nothing major. I was instructed by my hand therapist to gently massage and rub the swelling and fluid across the back of the hand in the direction of the “bridge” since that is the only part of the forearm that where drainage is capable of happening. This does help. You can do the same thing with your fingers if you have swelling there. Just gently start at your finger tips, encircle the finger with your other hand and slide it down towards the web of your hand. This will encourage fluid to make it’s way towards the bridge to drain. The back of my hand feels a bit tender, kind of like a bruise when I press on certain areas. Also, I am continuing to have some hypersensitivity in a “V” shape along the back of the thumb on the hand. I have been instructed by my hand therapist to desensitize the area by touching and rubbing it. The instinct here is to avoid touching the area because the sensation is awful, but it only gets better if you retrain the nerves. This is my hand today, at 30 days post-op:

hand

 

  • Strength in Hand: The strength in my hand is probably the best thing I have going for me in terms of my forearm. I probably have 30 or 40lbs of grip strength, just within the hand and that would be in terms of pulling straight traction at the wrist. Lifting something up sideways that would need more wrist flexion or stability is more like 5 or 10 lbs, that’s much harder.
  • Flexibility in Wrist: Passive (or unassisted) ROM (range of motion) is fairly limited. Turning from palm up to palm down while keeping the elbow stable at my side I probably have 80% of my ROM back. Active (or assisted) ROM, I can use my left hand to aide in the turn get it to 100%. Flexing the wrist forward and backwards is the hardest right now. Passive ROM is about 20-25% right now. Active ROM is about 40-45%. I do believe it will get back to 100%. Based on the multiple other wrist surgeries I’ve had (aside from the wound itself) my hand and wrist aren’t really acting all that differently than they have with the past surgeries, which is encouraging.
  • OT & Rehab: Again, in my experience with past wrists surgeries, and this one is proving the same, you really have to push through the discomfort and pain in order to reach your pre-surgery state. If you just wait till it doesn’t hurt before you start to push yourself, the scar tissue is only growing and forming adhesions to the tissues under the skin. Early and somewhat aggressive (or maybe persistent is a better word) exercises and use of the hand, wrist, and elbow will serve you much better in the long run. The first thing I did when I woke up from surgery (seriously, even before I looked at my penis) was start moving my fingers and clenching my fist the best that I could. I really do think that this has it’s benefits in quicker and “easier” recoveries. Your hand/arm isn’t going to feel good regardless of when you start to use it. But as the saying goes, the only way out is through.
  • Slough: I had what is called “slough” on my forearm. I had been worried that underneath this tissue was raw open skin. The split-thickness graft that Crane uses is 1/100th of an inch – that’s insanely thin. So I was having a hard time imaging that there could be anything left of the graft underneath of the slough… I couldn’t have been more wrong. The first photo was taken after I had peeled one tiny piece of the slough off, but the majority of it remained intact. I was really worried about all the dark spots:

slough

However, Dr Crane instructed me to wash my arm gently with a mild cleanser like Cetaphil and to remove the slough. The following is what my forearm looks like after having removed all the slough that would come off. I ended up very very gently using tweezers to remove the pieces that were loose:

healthy

It’s actually pretty amazing. I was shocked. Healthy pink graft!! This is just a great reminder when things are looking rough. Don’t judge a graft by it’s cover. Here are some photos of the underside of my forearm:

The edges of the graft are really well adhered to the healthy tissue around it. There are some areas that have started to blend in quite well and other areas that will be there within a few days I would imagine.

border

This border where the two different splint thickness grafts were sutured together is having a bit harder of a time but it’s doing way better since I stopped the Xeroform and it’s had time to dry out and adhere better. Still, this is the roughest part of my arm right now. There are few spots that are a touch on the moist side, so when I apply moisturizer to my graft I make sure to avoid those areas as to allow them to further dry out:

stitch line

The Leash: This area has been interesting. I feel like I have an unusually long leash compared to some other guys I’ve seen. My incision travels past my elbow. I never asked Crane why this was the case with me. I’m guessing that the place where my artery branched was just at a higher placement than other guys. If that were the case you would think I would have been able to have an extra 1.5 or so inches in length in the phallus, but this was not the case:

leash

I am having some reoccurring swelling along the right side of this incision line on my tattoo. This has been temporarily remedied by gently pressing and rubbing along the right side of the incision, starting closest to the graft and encouraging the fluid to move down the arm. However, it pretty much comes right back. I do have some adhesion along the this incision already and I think normally the fluid would drain straight down but I’m guessing that the adhesion is limiting this draining function. In the meantime, I am continuing with massage to encourage the draining. This photo really captures just how dramatic it looks at times:

bulge

 

THIGH (SPLIT THICKNESS GRAFT SITE): Xeroform finally completely fell off at 3 weeks. Since then I have been using Eucerin on my thigh whenever it dries out, this is usually about 3-5 times per day. It’s really itchy, but the lotion does help some with this. It’s the most itchy when I go too long without applying a moisturizer. The color changes drastically depending on if I am sitting or standing and how cold I am. Historically, during early scar healing, if I’m cold, my scars turn purple. I feel like this usually lasts a solid year for me, but sometimes longer. The purple can be quite dark but as soon as I warm up it turns pink again. I’m not having any issues with my thigh aside from the annoying itching. But itching is a really great sign, because it’s a symptom of healing. So all good things on this front.

thigh

PHALLUS: I have had zero necrosis! My phallus has really healthy tissue, and an excellent blood supply! Incision line on the underside is clean and skin colored with no more scabs. I can still make out a line of sutures that are intact along this incision line. Everything is healing extremely well and I could probably gently pull the sutures out but I definitely won’t be doing that. I haven’t been picking at anything. I’m just letting my body dissolve stitches and scabs at it’s own rate and when they fall out/off that’s great. At day 10 post-op I was walking around the house a fair bit and letting my phallus hang. I was moving slowly and the tension from him hanging was not intense. However, all of a sudden I noticed there were drops of blood trailing where I had been walking, I had had a thick scab that was plugging the tip of my urethra that Crane told me not to worry about removing. I was scared it might heal the UL shut, but he told me that it was normal and best to just try and ignore it. This scab must have dislodged itself and all the drainage that had been waiting to escape through the phallus came pouring out at once! Good times! This mild to moderate bleeding continued for a solid 3-4 days. I was worried about it and emailed Crane. Again, he reassured me that this is normal and was not cause for alarm. It did eventually stop. Currently,  I occasionally have some drainage that barely even drips, it’s more of an ooze and it’s usually a cloudy or light light light pink color, no dark blood anymore. Sorry, I know. None of this is pleasant to hear about but it’s just all part of the healing process. Another thing I’ll mention in terms of the phallus is that depending on how you place him he will get weird creases or wrinkles. More than a few times (because I can’t feel him yet) he’s been in some crazy weird positions and when I unwraped him from all the ABD pads, he looks pretty funky and crooked. He’s taken the shape of whatever odd position I had him packed away in… But DON’T worry, he won’t stay like that. Let him air out and stretch his legs and he’ll be back to normal shape in no time!

GLANSPLASTY: I had my glansplasty done as a second stage. I mentioned the reason in other posts but I’ll state it again, because people keep being confused about why I didn’t have it done at the time of the initial surgery (which most people do who go to Crane/Chen). I had scarring from an incision because of a surgery when I was 9 yrs old. Pre-existing scarring puts you at a higher risk for necrosis and graft loss because scar tissue doesn’t have the kind of healthy vascularity that regular tissue does. And poor blood supply is really the leading cause of necrosis. So I was really vocal about wanting to wait to do the glans as a later procedure, even if they thought it might be ok to do during stage one. So my glansplasty was done at the Greenbrae Surgery Center, which is in the same building as Crane/Chen’s office, the entrance is just on the other side of the building. This procedure was done at 15 days post-op by Dr Chen. He was great and I felt really comfortable with him – he has an excellent bedside manner. I absolutely recommend him, I think he’s just as skilled as Crane. There’s no doubt his waiting list will quickly grow to the length of Crane’s in no time. I talked with him in pre-op about what I wanted for my glans and showed him a picture of the outcome I was aiming for. He was happy to oblige. Initially I was told this procedure was going to be done under local anesthetic, but they gave me the option of propofol which is essentially like general anesthesia, you are asleep and you don’t remember anything. I selected this option. When you wake up from surgery there is no dressing or bandage on the glans, they don’t use a bolster like some surgeons do around the ridge of the corona. There was very little blood and just some bacitracin that had been applied to the glans. When I got home I laid down for a few hours and when I went to get up to unplug my catheter, I noticed my glans started bleeding. I was applying pressure with an ABD pad but I wasn’t really able to stop the bleed. During this time I was in contact via email with Chen. He instructed me to apply point pressure to the area where the bleed was happening. I did this and I was able to stop bleeding eventually for 1 hr. then after standing up again it returned. I applied pressure holds again and was only able to stop bleeding for 1 min. This continued from Friday, starting probably 5 hours after the procedure, till early Monday morning when I called Chen and told him that it just wasn’t working and that I needed to see him. In hindsight, I wish I had been more vocal about the amount of bleeding I was having and the difficulty with stopping it. I don’t have any doubt that I would have received in person assistance much sooner. It was an easy fix and I could have spared myself a lot of worrying and at least 20 ABD pads that I bled through over the course of 2.5 days. Chen asked if I could make it to CPMC to meet him. I figured he was going to need to cauterize something, and he said occasionally they do need to do that but almost all of the time a pressure hold does the trick. The reason they try to avoid cauterization is because you are compromising vascularity, which makes sense. He brought me to a free exam room across from the North tower at CPMC and did two pressure holds using the tip of a bandage and a gloved hand. The first pressure hold was directly on the spot where the bleed was, I had also been pressing there. The bleed did not stop. He then said that because of how they fold the skin over, the location to press on can be a bit away from where the blood is coming out. SO, he moved his finger about 1 cm above the exit spot of the blood and held that for 1o min and VOILA! It clotted!!! He had me walk around the room to make sure it didn’t unclot. After this I had no issues. Such a simple fix, wish I had known the magic spot to press days earlier… For me, one of the hardest thing with this surgery has been asking for help, even from medical professionals whom I know it’s their job to help me. Please don’t feel bad about speaking up and getting your needs met. If you need to, have your caretaker speak up for you.

GLANSPLASTY DONOR SITE/INCISION (right side of groin): Zero issues, steri-strips still on at 15 days post-op. I gently removed them today. No swelling, pain, or infection. Healing perfectly. I can already tell this incision is going to be pretty much invisible. It’s WAY thinner than my hookup incision. This is what it looked like immediately after the steri strips came off, even before washing it:

glans incision

SCROTUM: I am continuing to drain very small amounts of fluid everyday along a small opening along one of the incision lines on my scrotum. Initially I had very severe swelling and bruising, so the draining is actually needed in order to allow the scrotum to expel the residual buildup of fluid. Each day my scrotum gets a little more malleable and softer/deflated, this is a good thing. From the time of creation, it’s an empty sack, but initially it looks REALLY full because of the swelling. In the beginning you think: damn, I’m not even going to need testicular implants. But the swelling will decrease drastically over time. I did mention it a couple weeks ago but I’ll mention it again, I developed what is called an eschar along the scrotal incision line, it looked like a thick black scab. It was in the shape of a cross. Initially it looked pretty rough, especially when I had all the bruising as well. My scrotum was so bruised it looked black. As of last week the eschar had completely fallen off and 100% of my bruising is gone. So my scrotum truly looks nothing like it did initially. My whole sack is 100% pink now and just has that small opening where it’s continuing to drain fluid. I do have a small urine leak at this juncture. Crane is pretty confident that when it eventually stops draining and closes up that the urine leakage will likely stop as well. For this reason I requested to keep my SP in for longer to aid in healing so that urine wasn’t flowing through it and I wasn’t having to press on it after peeing to fully clear the UL of urine and then clean and pat it dry after peeing each time. There is no data proving that it actually helps to keep the SP in for longer, it’s just my gut instinct and Crane was on board with my plan. When I get down about still draining and the small leak from that area I just go and look at photos of my scrotum from 3 and 4 weeks ago and see how drastically I’ve healed in that time frame. I’m really hopeful that another month of healing is going to land me in an even better space. I do recommend taking daily or regular photos for this reason, even if you don’t show anyone and they are just for yourself. They can be great aides in seeing if your are developing any issues and also when you feel like you aren’t making any progress.

PERINIUM/VAGINECTOMY SITE: Initially for the first 10 days or so my vaginectomy line along my perineum looked amazing. However, at about 10-14 days post op I noticed that I had developed a small hole, a little smaller than the size of a Q-tip head at the mid point between where the lowest point of my scrotum hangs, and my anus. Although there is no way to know for sure, I’m wondering if the constant wiping of fluids draining down onto this area from my scrotum, and the regular cleansing with wet wipes of the drainage, if the glue that was used on the outer layer of this incision closure was wiped away and encouraged the hole to form. During my post-op appointment, Crane felt confident that it is going to either close or fill in on it’s own and told to me keep it clean and dry. It does look like it might be filling in from the inside out but it’s an area that is really hard for me to closely inspect, even with the handheld mirror I have. There might also possibly be a little drainage continuing to come from this area, I’m not sure though. And if that is the case, it’s unlikely to close until the draining is finished.

NERVE HOOK UP INCISION (left side of groin): The incision line is clean and healing very well. At day 10 when I was up and walking around, the same day I started to have the bleeding dripping out of the phallus, I noticed that I had some swelling and firmness bulging a bit next to the incision line. This lasted for about 2 weeks. Had it continued to grow and get worse it could have been a hematoma that needed to be addressed, but because it was just a little swollen it wasn’t reason for concern. There is a bit of swelling still present next to the incision line, but it’s definitely decreased over the past couple weeks. Most of the sutures are still present as well. The scabbing has decreased by about 75% and much of it is just healthy skin with the sutures still sewn in. 100% of the sutures that were used throughout my entire surgery were dissolvable:

hookup

SUPRA PUBIC CATHETER: I had my original supra pubic catheter switched out for a clean catheter at 27 days post op. At my first time peeing on day 18, I was already voiding more than 75% of my bladder, but because of the small leak, as I mentioned above, I requested to keep my SP in for some additional time to see if it might hasten or help the scrotum along with it’s healing. Most people get their SP’s out at around 3 weeks with Crane/Chen if there are no issues. Had I not requested to keep it in, Crane was going to remove it at my last post-op appointment, day 20, since it was safe to do so at that point with me easily emptying my bladder through my phallus. Make sure to keep up with cleaning around the entry point to your body. The hole that they create that accommodates the tube in your belly is called a stoma. This hole will want to try to heal around the tube and create little scabs. Once or twice a day, gently clean these scabs from the edges of the skin and from the outside of the tubing. It can be helpful to place a very wet and hot (be careful) washcloth around the entry point for 5-10 minutes to moisten the crusties before removing them.

SP

I really can’t advise strongly enough for guys to order a couple stat locks for your SP. They did put one on me during surgery that I woke up with, but they didn’t have anymore to give me. The hospital only had them as part of an entire catheter setup, and understandably weren’t willing to open a kit just to give me the stat lock that they would need for the kit. Because of the added tension of the collection bag that was attached to the tube in the hospital, the stat lock fell off by the time I left the hospital. But you can get a lot more life out of them when you’re plugging your SP and not using a bag that’s constantly pulling tension on the adhesive. These stat locks can easily be found online for purchase. Order a couple well before your surgery, shipping times can be a week easy. Using tape to secure your SP is a drag. Stat locks are well worth the 6 or 7 bucks that they cost:

stat lock

Urinating: Two suggestions… Make sure you get a couple “graduate” containers at the hospital. These can be helpful for a few different reasons. First, you will need to know if you are voiding at least 75% of your bladder through your phallus before it’s safe to remove your SP and have you only voiding that way. Graduates can be a great way to measure if you are doing this. I was also peeing in one and held one between my thighs to see exactly how much I was leaking through my scrotum. I’m glad I did this because it can be deceiving to just eyeball it. The other thing it’s good for is just peeing into if you have a bit of an unreliable stream at first. Lots of guys spray or shoot off in crazy directions at first. I noticed that my stream was really straight but towards the end of emptying my bladder it shoots to the right a bit when the pressure starts to weaken. Usually this is a result of lingering swelling along the UL and should reduce or completely resolve itself once your swelling has subsided.

I am currently only peeing out of my phallus one day a week to see if the small leak I have is reducing at all. I will continue to do this through this week or possibly next week and then completely remove the SP even if the leak is still present.

Graduate

 

That’s it for now. I’ll probably update again at 6 or 8 weeks. Take care.

8 Days Post-op… Hospital Re-Cap

Hey folks, I’m still alive. Sorry I haven’t updated till now. My top priority has been resting and healing and although I want to be active in keeping up with updates, it’s of course more important that I focus on recovery. This surgery really takes it out of you. So much of the ways you are used to being mobile, caring for yourself, doing painfully simple things for yourself, peeing, really everything, changes at least initially after surgery. I have often felt like an infant during the early days because I’ve been completely at the mercy of those around me in order to get my needs met. I guess I’ll give a rundown of my experience at the hospital. The exact day-to-day occurrences really float out of the mind pretty quickly. So I’ll do my best to recall what I can.

Surgery Day – February 4th: I got to the hospital early, around 5:45 for check-in. It was very quick and easy. The registration process was incredibly streamlined, the nurse goes over the paperwork with you and you have a touch-computer screen facing you. Whenever you need to sign a document, you just sign the screen and the documents are all electronically saved. This took not much longer than 5 minutes and then my friend and I were brought down the hall, she waited in a family area while I was taken back to get changed, tagged, IV’ed and gurney-ed. They give you a Bear Paws gown that if you want while you are waiting, you can hook up to a tube that fills the gown with warm air. They are specially designed to keep your body at optimal temperatures during surgery. My friend was eventually called back to wait with me about 30-45 min later. I met with the anesthesiologist, Dr Crane, Dr Safa, and the micro team came in briefly to introduce themselves to me. When it was time to go I said goodbye and they wheeled me down the hall to the OR I was fully awake and not sedated at all when I was brought into the OR. I have had that experience many times before but I suppose it was a bit more intense this time because I was looking all the around the room at the multiple tables they have set up with hundreds of medical instruments of each one. If this surgery didn’t feel real up until that point, it absolutely did then. The anesthesiologist told me he was going to give me some medicine to feel relaxed and that was it. When I woke up the first thing I remember seeing was my donor arm. They had the wound vac on it but they hadn’t placed any sort of splint on it (grafted areas REQUIRE early immobilization). One of the micro team members came by to check on me in the immediate recovery room that they bring you to while you are first waking up. It’s the same area as pre-op. He seemed shocked that my arm wasn’t splinted and went and got materials to brace my arm and came back. He splinted me and then fairly soon after I was moved to the TICU unit. At some point in the hours after I was moved to the TICU unit they noticed that there were some issues going on with my scrotum. I had severe dark, dark bruising and swelling that engulfed my entire scrotum and then spread down to my butt cheeks and onto my thighs. I looked like someone beat me with a bat. The scrotum was black but the other areas were a deep purple. They started worrying that I had a hematoma. The ice chips they had been giving me occasionally stopped and they were assessing whether or not I needed to be brought back into the OR to fix a hematoma. At this time you are being checked with a doppler to assure healthy blood flow to your penis is occurring. You will also have a headed pad that forces warms water through tubes and into the pad to keep your penis nice and toasty. This helps to keep the blood vessels unrestricted and very open so they can do their job the best they can. You are also hooked up to about two dozen things. Probably 6 or more wires on your chest, an Oximeter on your finger, a blood pressure cuff that goes off randomly, nasal oxygen tubes, plus the other things I mentioned already. You also have at least one drainage tube coming out of you, usually the scrotum, but I also had a teeny tiny little tube at the end of the groin incision where they do your hook up. Plus a foley catheter coming out of the tip of your penis. It’s a lot!

Day 1 Post Op: Multiple doctors were watching me and eventually Dr Crane came in the next morning before surgery and said that he didn’t think it was a hematoma in my scrotum and he didn’t want to rush me back into the OR if it wasn’t absolutely necessary because there are added risks every time they put you under – and more risks of infection. He went and did another case and said he’d be back to reassess. When he came back a few  hours later he decided it wasn’t critical to bring me back to the OR and would be a better plan to just wait it out and watch the area and see if it healed on it’s own.

Day 2 Post Op: I believe I was brought to the 3rd floor on this day? It’s still very regular care by the nurses but it’s not as intense as the first couple days when they have you under very close observation in the TICU when things are the most critical and likely to go wrong. Most of my nurses were very attentive and kind and made sure to check on me and make sure my legs were comfortable and propped up on pillows and my donor arm was elevated and I had everything I needed. I believe my nurse Reza hit this one out of the park, she was an angel. The most attentive nurse I’ve ever met. Mimi and Raymond were also very kind. The time goes by slow, especially the nights when they are coming in to Doppler your penis and check vitals every single hour. It’s hard to get any normal sleep. Pain medication makes you a little drowsy, but when I started to have itching and they gave me benadryl, it was the benadryl morphine combo that I really began to look forward to because it allowed me to occasionally get more than 30 minutes of sleep. I think this was the day they came in and cut the ace bandage off my thigh where the split thickness graft was harvested from. Under the Ace bandage they had place a Xeroform dressing. This is the same stuff you dress your arm with starting the the day you leave the hospital. It’s yellow and greasy. When they cut the Ace off blood is pretty much everywhere. They bring a huge hot air blower over to your bedside and it stays aimed at your thigh for the next few days till the Xeroform turns black with beaded up dried blood on it. You leave this on your  leg till it falls off – trimming the edges as it naturally releases from your skin underneath.

Day 3 Post Op: I was a bit more awake and with it by now. I was able to call and order room service but often they would need to call and remind me that the meal window was closing and ask if I wanted anything. It was nice of them to do that. I’d think I wanted food and then when it came I usually didn’t eat much. The fruit bowls and juices were mainly what I lived off while I was there. Over the next few days the issue with my scrotum started to look better and better. Much of my sack was slowly turning from bruised black, back to pink again. However there remains a scab-like crusty spot on part of it that is still black. This is called an “eschar” sometimes they flake off on their own and other times they need to be removed surgically. We are still watching this. It’s not uncommon for them to take many weeks to resolve.

Day 4 Post Op: Time to stand up! Wow, so this is really intense. Aside from just feeling weak from being in bed for 4 days, everything is very very tender… ok painful. The female nurse that was in the room with a male nurse as well preparing me for this event kept telling me that I’m going to want to hold my penis when I stand up because I’m going to worry it would fall off. She wouldn’t stop talking about this. She kept telling me how unnecessary that is and that I shouldn’t hold it and that it’s on there securely and that it was essentially irrational to hold it while you walk. I was  tempted to say: “hey lady, don’t tell me what to do with my dick.” I felt like she was actually bothered by the fact that we want to support it. Honestly, I’ve seen far too many separations happen at the shaft and scrotal areas that I plan on supporting my new equipment till I am more than certain that it isn’t coming off. I don’t care how irrational anyone thinks that is. I waited my whole life for this package… I sat for about 10 maybe 15 minutes at the most and then asked for help back to the bed. Sitting was highly highly uncomfortable and I was really slouched back to take all the weight off of my perineal area. Not fun. Once I got back in bed I stayed there for the rest of the day. But I was able to get up late at night and use the toilet to have a bowel movement. This was quite an experience, being so weak, and still in so much pain, with two tubes coming out of your (bladder and scrotum) still attached to the wound vac, and trying to balance on the toilet while experiencing going to the bathroom for the first time with new anatomy down there. It was kind of mind blowing. I might not have related to the genitals that I had, but I had of course gotten very familiar with the sensations of voiding and even having a bowel movement is a very different sensation. Everything feels different and I was pretty obsessed about not wanting my new package to touch the toilet seat, so that will be an interesting new challenge. I finally made a toilet paper nest and was able to lay him across the seat.

Day 5 Post Op: The micro team came in quite early. I heard them coming down the hall and they said: “You know what day it is?!” and I said Yes I do!!! And they said: “It’s GRADUATION DAY!” There were 4 or 5 of them and all within about 3.5 minutes they had pulled out my scrotum drain, pulled out my doppler wire, pulled out the drain on my groin scar, ripped off my wound vac, and re-bandaged me with my first round of Xeroform and Kerlix wrap. It was not the most pleasant experience of my life but it was over fast. Deep breaths… Deep breaths… It was a Tuesday and I was scheduled for my first post-op appointment the next day, Wednesday, so Dr Crane just came up to my room before I left and met with me briefly there. He told me I didn’t need to come to the office the next day and that I could just come to the office next week. I was grateful because I was feeling overwhelmed just by the idea of getting back to the AirBnb house. Thinking about leaving the next day seemed absolutely dreadful. After I met with him I saw the hand therapist Olga (?) she’s VERY VERY nice and she made me a splint and talked with me for quite some time. She also gave me information about finding a hand therapist while I’m still in the area. Then I got all my scripts and paperwork together and they packed me up and wheeled me downstairs so my friend could drive me home.

That’s what I got for a re-cap from the hospital experience. I think most people are unsure of what all is going to go down for the actual surgery and the time until you are discharged. I hadn’t intended on writing so much but I hope it helps those who are curious.